


you make me ache you bastard

by CamCam



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Jaskier is singing TAD songs, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, because they scream 'Geraskier', geralt is SOFT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23499925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamCam/pseuds/CamCam
Summary: In which Jaskier is quietly pinning over Geralt, write a secret song about it, only to have Geralt trying to find what it is about.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 29
Kudos: 506





	you make me ache you bastard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [merthurlocked](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merthurlocked/gifts).



> So it's the first time since 2016 that I'm publishing something I wrote, and it's kinda scary. But I had a scene stuck in my head when I was listening to "Fair" by The Amazing Devil, so there you go.  
> Many, many thanks to my amazing friend and beta [merthurlocked](https://merthurlocked.tumblr.com/%5Bmerthurlocked%5D) for believing in me, and checking I wasn't ruining the English language as it's not my native tongue. I couldn't do this without you.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy!

Jaskier wasn’t sure when it happened. For all his songs and stories about love, he didn’t even realise it was happening to him until Geralt, of all people, made him open his eyes. 

It wasn’t even over something sweet and romantic. It went more along the lines of;

 _“It’s the fifth party we’re attending where I don’t actually have to remember which cuckold husband will be coming after you. Did you finally start thinking with your brain?”_ Which, _rude,_ but also true. Jaskier hadn’t tried to get some alone time with anyone for a while now. A thing he didn’t even notice he was doing before Geralt so sweetly pointed it out.

From that moment on, it didn’t take long to figure out why he wasn’t interested in anyone. When all his reasons were something along the lines of “oh their hair is not blonde enough”, “nope, the eyes are too blue or too brown”, “his shoulders are not large enough”, “he definitely can’t pin me to a wall”, “isn’t covered in guts and gore and still somehow manage to look climbable”, and others variants. 

While a lot of people _(Geralt)_ considered him to be a fool in the matter of the heart, Jaskier was in fact quite aware of his shots, or lack thereof, with certain people. When he realized he was in fact in love with Geralt, he didn’t consider, even for a second, the possibility that Geralt could love him back, now, or any other day in the immediate future.

It wasn’t the easiest of realizations and it took him a while to come to terms with it. It would probably have been easier for him to part ways with Geralt for a while, giving a chance for his heart to accept its fate and move on. 

Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

He considered Geralt as his best friend, no matter what the other man would say, and he loved travelling with him. He loved meeting new people and discovering new places, loved finding inspiration for his songs in Geralt’s adventures. 

He loved changing the way people perceived witchers, one monster at a time. He loved the quiet evenings sitting near their campfires in the middle of nowhere; and especially loved that Geralt was opening up to him, little by little. 

He loved performing everywhere they went, loved that despite what Geralt said about his incessant chatter, the man was actually listening most of the time. He loved that he could catch Geralt humming his songs while tending to Roach. He loved that Geralt would let him tend to his wounds, even when it wasn’t necessary, just because he knew it would ease Jaskier’s mind. He loved that Geralt had come to trust him enough to see him in his most vulnerable state, loved that when people would become hostile and harsh towards him, either because of his songs or his flirting with the wrong person, Geralt would put a hand on his back and usher him away, glaring to the offender the whole time. 

He loved that every time he got angry on behalf of Geralt, the witcher would always look at him a bit surprised, like he was still not quite believing that someone would stand up for him time and time again. He loved that the rare times he got hurt or sick, Geralt would give up everything to take care of him. He loved that whilst Geralt kept pretending that they weren’t friends, his actions would show differently than his words, as he made sure to be softer when Jaskier would grow melancholic, and give him little things, like a freshly baked, sweet pastry or a new notebook with pages to fill with his songs or... _or absolutely anything_ , just to cheer him up.

It was all this, and so much more, that made him impossible for him to _leave._

It was a blessing to be able to live this life with his favorite person, and he could bear the heartbreak if it meant keeping all of that.

Most of the time, it wasn’t that hard. It was only the two of them, more often than not, and Jaskier was content with it. 

There were some times when it was hard, however. Even if it wasn’t often, Geralt would occasionally seek prostitutes for a night (or two, or three), and while Jaskier knew it was purely about sex, it still hurt to think that Geralt would allow someone he didn’t know and didn’t trust to be that close to him, rather than ever even consider the possibility of having Jaskier.

Jaskier would usually spend these nights drinking himself to oblivion, allowing himself to acknowledge his unrequited love and wallow in it. 

Geralt was never too happy to deal with a hungover Jaskier, but the bard knew Geralt would hate even more to have to deal with Jaskier and his feelings for him. 

There was also everything concerning Yennefer. 

The witcher and the sorceress were linked together in some way, could understand each other well, and were both so out of his league that they just _made_ sense. 

The fact that his brain would replay the scene of them fucking the first time they met every time he closed his eyes wasn’t helping either. 

At those particular times, Jaskier would become snappy and get on Geralt’s nerves more so than usual, often leading to some argument or dispute, until Yennefer went away once again. Truthfully, Jaskier wasn’t even sure they were still sleeping together when their paths would cross. He would always find some excuse to wait in an inn while Geralt and Yennefer went to slay whatever monster they were hired for. Geralt had stopped questioning it, but would still look at Jaskier with an indecipherable look that made Jaskier wonder if he actually knew what was going on. It didn’t really matter, anyway. Jaskier took solace in the fact that Geralt would always come back to him. 

Still, it didn’t stop his heart from breaking every single time.

As much as _those_ times hurt, Jaskier could see them coming, and would prepare himself. His heart would still break, but since he was expecting it, it made it a tiny bit easier to bear. 

The worst times however, were when his longing surged from seemingly out of nowhere, leaving him feeling as though he’d been punched, repeatedly.

Geralt would laugh at one of his jokes, and Jaskier would be fighting for his breath. 

He would look up from his lute whilst they were resting in the road, to find Geralt relaxing in the grass, eyes closed to enjoy the sun on his face, and he would be so beautiful that it made Jaskier _ache_ all over. 

They would be sitting in an inn at the end of a tiring day, sitting next to each other and eating without needing to keep up a conversation, wordlessly passing drinks and food to each other, and it would be so fucking domestic that Jaskier wouldn’t be able to swallow any more of their food.

Some mornings Jaskier would wake up with Geralt’s arm around him, their legs tangled together, feeling safe and loved until reality came crashing down, reminding him it was only unconscious movements at night that made Geralt move over to him, and not because Geralt actually wanted to hold him. 

Sometimes it was just the knowledge that Geralt was right _there_ and yet so far away out of his reach; that no matter how close they were, there would always be an empty space between them, always keeping them apart.

_Those_ were the moments where Jaskier learned a heart could be broken again and again.

So, he did the only thing he could: he poured his pain into his music. It was always in secret, obviously. He never wrote the lyrics into his notebooks, even if he knew Geralt would never look without his consent. He never sang them in front of people. The songs created were just for him, and him alone. And after all, it wasn’t as if Geralt would realise something was up.

He was wrong about that.

\--

Geralt has been around people long enough to know when someone was lying to him. The fact he could hear the lie in the person’s heartbeat helped a bit. 

Though it wasn’t because he was a _Witcher_ that he knew that Jaskier was hiding something from him. It was just because it was Jaskier and, like it or not, the bard _was_ his friend, and he knew him. 

He knew the difference between Jaskier’s idle chatter and his sudden ramblings when he wanted to divert the attention. He knew the difference between Jaskier’s thoughtful silence when he was composing in his head, and his silences when he was mulling over something he wasn’t sharing. He knew the difference between melodies strung idly to keep them company, and the melodies that were part of a song, though he never heard it.

He knew Jaskier was hiding something from him, because every time Geralt went out of earshot, the bard would start singing softly, only to stop abruptly every time he saw Geralt coming closer. 

He knew Jaskier was hiding _something,_ and it was slowly driving him crazy.

Geralt noticed Jaskier was playing a specific melody every time he was deep in thoughts he wouldn’t share. It was only logical that this song was linked with Jaskier’s secret, and that hearing the whole thing would help him to understand what was going on. 

It should be easy enough, except it wasn’t. 

Jaskier would only sing it when alone, and _that_ didn’t happen much. Geralt hadn’t realised how joined at the hips they were, until he noticed they were only ever apart from each other when Geralt was hunting diner, or at the whorehouse, or fighting a monster on his own when it was too dangerous for Jaskier to come along. Other than that, they were together all the time. Even when they were bathing, the other would still be in the room, somehow. 

Geralt knew, realistically, that they were practically living together, what with the travelling and everything; yet he was somehow surprised to see it. It was only now that he realised that he hadn’t been truly alone in a long time. 

But what disturbed him most was how much he didn’t mind it. He remembered how annoyed he was with Jaskier at first, how little patience he had for the bard’s incessant chatter and his never ending songs, how much he enjoyed the silence again when they parted ways. 

Somewhere, along the way, it changed. 

He couldn’t pin a moment, and he suspected it arrived little by little, but he came to enjoy the incessant chatter of Jaskier. The bard was smart, even if it could be overlooked at first. Geralt came to enjoy their conversations and their banter. He liked to witness the creation of the songs, the way Jaskier would change a note or a word to make it even better. He stopped being annoyed when Jaskier was fussing over his wounds and instead found it heart-warming. He wouldn’t try to duck under Jaskier’s touch because it became grounding. They wouldn’t fight anymore over washing his hair because being taken care of without having to give anything in return was such a new novelty he didn’t have the heart to stop it. But most importantly, it was the knowledge that someone was waiting for him to return; that someone cared for him and was willing to follow him along his Path. It wasn’t something he thought he would ever have, _could_ ever have.

So no, it wasn’t easy to catch Jaskier alone, even more since Jaskier seemed to be attuned to his presence and somehow knew when Geralt was approaching, even if the witcher didn’t make a sound. Catching the bard by surprise seemed to be more complicated than it should, to Geralt’s dismay. After several failed attempts, he gave up trying to sneak on Jaskier, and instead did his best to prove to Jaskier that he could talk to him. He latched all his attention on to the bard, complimenting him, making him laugh, making every gesture he could think of so Jaskier would understand that Geralt was here for him, and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

He wasn’t really sure it worked considering the look of confusion Jaskier wore every time, but it was always overshadowed by a fond smile and affection pouring out of Jaskier. Geralt ended up keeping up with this scheme just because it made Jaskier happy, and he couldn’t ask for more.

Then, one evening, Geralt managed to hear it.

It had been one of those days, when Jaskier would retract inside his own mind, leaving Geralt itching to reach out, without knowing how. Jaskier hadn’t been paying much attention to his surroundings, and that was probably his distraction that allowed Geralt to come back from his hunt unnoticed. 

Geralt stopped in his tracks when he heard the now familiar melody. Jaskier was singing softly, but this time he was close enough to _finally_ hear the words.

_It’s not fair, it's not fair how much I love you_

_It’s not fair cos you make me ache you bastard_

_Oh how, oh how unreasonable_

_How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do_

_I’ll spend my days so close to you cos if I’m stood here_

_Then I’m stood here_

_And I’ll stand here_

_I’ll stand here with you_

Jaskier heaved a sigh after the last of the note ended. 

“Can you believe I’m writing my best song and it will never be heard?” he asked Roach. “Well, not by the one who matters at least.” 

He laid his lute aside and put his face in his hands. Geralt could smell the sadness rolling off him, and he had to fight his instincts to close the distance between them and to _protect and soothe_. He stayed where he was, not sure how to interpret the song. 

After a few minutes, he decided to move. Jaskier seemed to catch the movement and instantly drew himself upright, plastering a smile on his face, looking as if he hadn’t been breaking down just mere seconds before. Geralt was actually quite impressed by how quick his demeanour changed, and wondered how many times he has been fooled before.

“Geralt! I almost didn’t see you coming!” Jaskier said. “What have you got, then? Please tell me it’s not a squirrel, I can’t stand eating any more squirrels. I know they’re better than crows, but still! I’d rather have some pork right now. Not that we could have it, I know how unlikely it is to find a pig wandering in the forest just like that, but you know what I mean. Although, stranger things have happened; one time I heard that…” Jaskier kept spewing up nonsense, which meant he was trying to distract Geralt. It wasn’t hard to guess what he was trying to distract Geralt from.

The Witcher only hummed noncommittally and went to the business of skinning their dinner (which was rabbit, because he knew Jaskier was tired of squirrels, he _had_ been paying attention). They step into their routine for the rest of the evening, neither of them mentioning anything.

But that night, Geralt didn’t sleep. 

Even though he only heard the song one time, it was engraved in his memories. He kept hearing the softness with which Jaskier started the song. He kept hearing the way Jaskier’s voice broke over “ _you make me ache you bastard_ ”. He kept hearing the sobs that seemed stuck in Jaskier’s throat as he had sang the last lines. He kept hearing the amount of love and yearning and heartbreak that filled the song, and he was the one aching all over.

It was obvious that the song was personal to Jaskier, that he was singing about his feelings. The question was: who was it about?

Geralt couldn’t help thinking that it was about him. “Bastard” was a term of endearment that Jaskier often used for him. He was the one Jaskier spent his days close to. More importantly, it was the fact Jaskier kept the song hidden when he would usually annoy Geralt to death to give him some reviews of his writings. He didn't want Geralt to hear the song he poured his feelings in, and so, it made sense it was because his feelings were for Geralt. It was only logical.

And yet.

How could Jaskier, who was the most lovable person and who deserved the world, be in love with a witcher? 

Perhaps more realistically, Jaskier was singing about someone else? And this… This didn’t sit well with Geralt. He had thought about Jaskier long enough to be aware he wanted the song to be about himself. He wanted Jaskier to be feeling this over him, and that made him selfish, but for once, he didn’t care. He’d do anything to keep Jaskier happy. He’d kill and maim and bargain with the worst evils that roamed the earth if it meant he could keep Jaskier safe with him for another day. Selfishness was really low on the scale, considering.

*

* *

Geralt spent the following day trying to approach the subject to Jaskier, only to find it was easier to fight a horde of cockatrices than to talk about his feelings. If he had got the whole thing wrong, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to bear it.

Night fell without him broaching the subject. It wasn’t until they were sitting content near their fire, meal over with and Jaskier softly strumming _the_ melody on his lute that Geralt finally spoke. 

“What’s that song you’re always playing?”

Jaskier looked at him with a frown. “What song?”

“This one.”

Jaskier stopped at once, as if only realising what he was playing. “Oh, uh, it’s nothing. Just, something silly I came up with.”

“Is that why you never want me to hear it?”

“Wh-what?” Jaskier looked dumbfounded and just a bit afraid.

“You never sing it when I’m around. You always stop when I get close.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to impose such nonsense onto your delicate ears, you see” Jaskier tried to deflect. 

Geralt snorted at that. “You subject me to enough of your nonsense and worse, bard. Why would that be different?”

“Why do you care?”

“I like it.”

“How could you? You only heard some of the melody.”

“I… might have heard a sentence or two last night.” 

“You _what_?” Jaskier looked panicked at the idea. Geralt only shrugged. 

“I thought it was nice. I’d like to hear it again.”

There was silence. Jaskier seemed to be struggling with himself over his next action. He didn’t really want Geralt to hear this, and to find out his feelings for him, only to reject him just after. He couldn’t sing this song to Geralt. He was ready to offer some excuses or other, when Geralt softly said “Please.” 

Jaskier deflated. “Alright.” He picked up his lute and softly began to sing.

_It’s what my heart just yearns to say_

_In ways that can’t be said_

_It’s what my rotting bones will sing_

_When the rest of me is dead_

_It’s what’s engraved upon my heart_

_In letters deeply worn_

_Today I somehow understand the reason I was born_

_It’s not fair, it's not fair how much I love you_

_It’s not fair cos you make me ache you bastard_

_Oh how, oh how unreasonable_

_How unreasonably in love I am with everything you do_

_I’ll spend my days so close to you cos if I’m stood here_

_Then I’m stood here_

_And I’ll stand here_

_I’ll stand here with you_

  
  


Jaskier kept silent, too afraid to let out any more of his feelings. Singing this while being watched closely by Geralt had been even more intense than he imagined, and he knew his feelings had all but leaked out. 

But maybe it wasn’t that bad. He had written many love songs over the years, not all aimed at Geralt. And those who were aimed at him hadn’t been seen as so. Maybe Geralt would not see it was about him. Maybe Jaskier could pretend he-

“It’s about me, isn’t it?”

Then again, maybe not.

Jaskier looked at Geralt, finding him way closer than he expected. The Witcher was looking back at him expectantly. “What answer do you want to hear?” asked Jaskier. 

“The real one.”

“You might prefer a lie.”

“Tell me the truth, and I’ll tell you.”

Jaskier was silent for a moment, watching the Witcher intently, trying to find something in his regard. Geralt tried to be as open as possible, to convey his feelings, his hope that he hadn’t totally misunderstood everything. 

“Yes,” Jaskier answered, simply. 

Jaskier thought he knew the effects of Geralt smiling by now. They might be rare, but they would steal his breath every time; they would make Jaskier fall a bit more in love every time. Jaskier knew that. Yet he was fully unprepared when Geralt smiled at him when he heard his answer. It wasn’t a big, goofy smile, the kind Jaskier always wore. It was a Geralt smile, small and discreet. But it was a smile that conveyed so much relief and happiness, that illuminated Geralt’s face so much it was like he was positively glowing with it; it was a smile that was directed at Jaskier, and Jaskier could feel his heart missing a beat because of it.

He kept looking at Geralt, trying to make sure he was understanding this.

“Would it be more fair if I’ll stand there with you, too?” Geralt asked him, softly.

“I think it would, yeah.”

Jaskier put aside his lute, and hesitantly reached out to tuck a strand of white hair behind Geralt’s ear. He let his fingers graze across his jaw, lightly, as if he was afraid the Witcher would pull out of his reach. As if he’d read his mind, Geralt pressed his cheek into Jaskier’s hand, turning his head slightly, so he could press a kiss on his wrist. It was the most intimate thing Jaskier had ever felt pressed upon his skin. He knew with an absolute certainty that he would never get over the man in front of him.

Jaskier had lost count of how many times he had dreamed about kissing Geralt. More often than not, there was a wall or a tree involved, their bodies being pushed and pulled into one another with so much heated _passion_ injected into their kiss _._ Some of the dreams were softer, mostly those were just filled with Jaskier kissing into Geralt’s smiles. Some were long and soulful, others short and sweet, some were playful or full of longing. He was sure over time he had imagined every way possible to kiss Geralt..

And yet he wasn’t prepared for the way Geralt held his face with reverence, like he was something precious beyond everything. He wasn’t prepared to feel the gentle press of lips against his, even though Geralt hovered for a few seconds, giving him a last chance to stop this. He wasn’t prepared to feel every nerve of his body tremble under Geralt’s touch, fingers lightly scraping his neck, bringing him closer. He wasn’t prepared for the way Geralt hummed contentedly against his mouth, as if he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t prepared for the outburst of emotions he felt when they just stayed there, forehead against forehead, ragged breaths mingling together. 

He wasn’t ready for the way Geralt looked at him then, eyes full of wonder and affection. He wasn’t prepared for the way his heart expanded, ready to burst out under the amount of love and happiness he was feeling.

Jaskier wasn’t prepared for _any of this._

He found out he was quite alright with that.

Later that night, as they were laying under the stars, limbs intertwined, Jaskier asked,

“So, does it mean you finally admit that you absolutely love my singing?”

“I said the song was nice. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“Nice,” Jaskier scoffed. “I poured my heart and soul in it, it would make stones weep, and all you say is ‘nice’? Unbelievable. I could break every heart on the Continent with it. No one would be able to forget it, and to forget me.”

“I thought this was a satisfying enough outcome.”

“Of course it is,” Jaskier mumbled. “More than enough. Doesn’t mean I don’t get to be dramatic about it.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

  
  


(Jaskier never sang the song in front of anyone but Geralt. It was theirs, and theirs alone.)

**Author's Note:**

> The first time I listened to "Fair", all I could see was Jaskier singing it for Geralt, and then this happened. Sorry.
> 
> Thank you for reading! You can find me [on tumblr](https://acciobamon.tumblr.com/%5Bacciobamon%5D)!


End file.
